Watch Your Language (Tuesday, Part 2)

Just one more thing about that email, as Peter Falk's Columbo might have blogged. Team Obama recycled language from their initial post-event message. I'm not talking about quotes from Barack's best speeches. I'm talking about the same disingenuous, passive-voiced excuse for an excuse that I decried in my email to the NYC office, and my subsequent phone conversation with them.

Obama NYC: Thanks for listening.

It was a poorly written email the first time. It was disappointing then for what it implied about the values of the campaign in its operations. This time it just looks lazy.

Do you have no communications staff? No writers who might volunteer to assist you with this sort of communication? (I remember something about a professional writer filling out a volunteer form February 10... hmm, I wonder if he's still available?)

The pieces sit together awkwardly. To someone who enjoys words, it reads with roughly the same grace that Frankenstein's monster might bring to a lead role in Swan Lake.

Well, judge for yourself. I've probably oversold its shabbiness, but try to read it with fresh eyes.

Good afternoon,

Once again, thank you so much for attending Senator Obama's event in Brooklyn on August 22nd. We all greatly appreciate your support. Due to the overwhelming grassroots support for Senator Obama, we simply couldn't accommodate everyone interested in attending. We are sorry you couldn't make it in and we are determined to make this up to you.

While we can't make up the time you spent waiting outside, we would like to provide you with a guaranteed opportunity to see the Senator when he next returns to New York. Please hold the evening of Monday, September 24th on your calendars. Senator Obama will be back in New York City and this email guarantees you one non-transferable ticket to that event. As soon as we have the details, we will pass them on to you. Please keep in mind you are the only one who can redeem this ticket.

Hopefully, you’ve already received an email and a phone call from us prior to this confirming your interest in attending on the 24th. We need you to contact us by email (ny-finance@barackobama.com) or phone (212) 763-4850 by 6:00pm TODAY in order to confirm your attendance if you have not done so already. Otherwise we’ll have to let these complimentary tickets go.

Thank you for your patience and understanding. We really appreciate your support.

Sincerely,

Team Obama

Yes, quite. And a good afternoon to you, Team Obama. My eyes tear with the sincerity of your labors on my behalf.

Is that really the best we can do? I don't enjoy being so acid in my criticism, but I'm becoming fatigued by the onslaught of vapid, superficial communications.